The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you had me at cake vodka
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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