Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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