she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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