he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
