New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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