do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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