not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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