She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
