Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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