I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
And then he peed in my hair
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
