the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
