just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm too high and old for this...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
