I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
