one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
