Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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