I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
