Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
