Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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