just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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