Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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