I want her autograph on my taint
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Randomize
