What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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