i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
