I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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