There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
