I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
