wat bout pragnant strippers??
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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