I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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