After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
