I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
