so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
