To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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