just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
