It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
