You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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