kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
