i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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