I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
