I just pynch a tree in the face
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Sober January is a disaster.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
