i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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