If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
