It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
