Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
