I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
