I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We have started to decorate penises.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
