He asked to "fluff my boner.."
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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