you guys were way drunker than both of me
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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