Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
