Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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