Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
