I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
