When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
