last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
