There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
